Addicted.
You know, when I hear about crack moms, I think immediately of some filthy household filled with hungry kids crying for attention and setting eachother on fire, torturing the family dog and whatnot-- all while mom is flipped out in the back bedroom in her own, special little world.
And then I think, "Hey! That's ME!"
Because this is EXACTLY like my household, minus the crack, the filth, the attention-starved kids and flaming-family dog. Just substitute television for crack and you will understand my fear and loathing of that particularly hateful little device.
I hate t.v. It's invasive and loud, dictatorial and at the root of the deterioration of good, wholesome, progressive, American family values and OH MY GAWD I love that show The Office. I love the lead character, Michael Scott-- with all his rudeness and stupidity and social cluelessness. It's like working for that econometrics firm in DC all over again but with a more attractive, clean-shaven boss without cloven hooves. And this time, it's not real life and I can laugh at other people's misery and turn it off any time I want.
Except I can't turn it off because I'm addicted.
It's horrible. I shouldn't be allowed to watch t.v., ever, because I become this addle-brained, slack-jawed idiot that cannot simultaneously have conversation AND watch the pretty moving pictures. And heaven forbid if something funny should happen on that idiot box, because this idiot must immediately register the funniness factor with whomever I happen to be watching t.v.
Example: Joke happens. I cackle outright while looking at t.v. watching partner with that raised-brow did-you-hear-that-funny-joke look on my face. If they aren't laughing, I am compelled to repeat the joke, as if to explain it. If they are laughing, I am compelled to repeat the joke, as if to say, "See, I get it, too."
And it's really not that I don't hear my children talking, then SCREAMING, to get my attemtion when I'm watching the tube. It's more that I don't flippin' care that they're talking to me. This attitude is not reserved just for the kids. I'm an equal-opportunity ignore-er. Doesn't matter who is speaking, I want them all to shut up the exact same amount. And that makes me a better person.
So you see, I don't have a sickness. Everyone else has the sickness. It's not me. It's the yammering yappers that invade my secret private time with my special t.v. friends.
I feel better now.
And then I think, "Hey! That's ME!"
Because this is EXACTLY like my household, minus the crack, the filth, the attention-starved kids and flaming-family dog. Just substitute television for crack and you will understand my fear and loathing of that particularly hateful little device.
I hate t.v. It's invasive and loud, dictatorial and at the root of the deterioration of good, wholesome, progressive, American family values and OH MY GAWD I love that show The Office. I love the lead character, Michael Scott-- with all his rudeness and stupidity and social cluelessness. It's like working for that econometrics firm in DC all over again but with a more attractive, clean-shaven boss without cloven hooves. And this time, it's not real life and I can laugh at other people's misery and turn it off any time I want.
Except I can't turn it off because I'm addicted.
It's horrible. I shouldn't be allowed to watch t.v., ever, because I become this addle-brained, slack-jawed idiot that cannot simultaneously have conversation AND watch the pretty moving pictures. And heaven forbid if something funny should happen on that idiot box, because this idiot must immediately register the funniness factor with whomever I happen to be watching t.v.
Example: Joke happens. I cackle outright while looking at t.v. watching partner with that raised-brow did-you-hear-that-funny-joke look on my face. If they aren't laughing, I am compelled to repeat the joke, as if to explain it. If they are laughing, I am compelled to repeat the joke, as if to say, "See, I get it, too."
And it's really not that I don't hear my children talking, then SCREAMING, to get my attemtion when I'm watching the tube. It's more that I don't flippin' care that they're talking to me. This attitude is not reserved just for the kids. I'm an equal-opportunity ignore-er. Doesn't matter who is speaking, I want them all to shut up the exact same amount. And that makes me a better person.
So you see, I don't have a sickness. Everyone else has the sickness. It's not me. It's the yammering yappers that invade my secret private time with my special t.v. friends.
I feel better now.
posted by @traciAWESOME
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