beer

I love it. And yet, I drink it-- or any alcohol-- quite seldomly, for no other reason than the fact that I am a total wimp. What used to be a simple appetizer in my drinking feast, one beer makes me drowsier than Nyquil. Sad, sad, sad.

There was a time when I drank well; which is to say I excelled at the art of pounding said brewskies. Alcohol just didn't affect me. I mean, not in a bad way; as everyone knows, alcohol only has positive side-effects. Duh. Back then it made me more attractive, smarter, and doggone it, people really liked me when I drank. I was damn witty. I uttered only perfectly formed sentences with the most brilliant articulation-shunnigton. In fact, I believe I excelled in the art of polyglotism. I will admit that I don't think it ever made me a better driver, but I wouldn't know because I never drove while even slightly inebriated. So nya-nya-nya. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

But the fact remains that while I once was quite the early-20s drinking expert, I rarely drink now. Socially, yes, of course, I will politely, publicly make an ass of myself. At home? I can make a perfect ass of myself without the booze, thanks much. That said, I've had the same bottle of vodka for 5 years. Same goes for the rest of the fully-stocked bar. I'm told it never goes bad, so I keep it. It is it's own preservative. And so it sits there, all sad-eyed, depressed and ignored. Poor babies.

Conversely, the beer I've only had around since October-- the Halloween party. Apparently the case of Fat Tire I got for the party was a bad choice. The 30 or so 10 year-olds took no interest in it. Neither did their parents for that matter.

I was told recently by a friend that it's just odd for women to drink beer. It just wasn't "ladylike," I think was the word she used. Of course, she wasn't stating this factoid to offend me (as I happened to be sipping an ale at the time); I think she thought more of me as "one of the guys." So you know, it's not that I'm unladylike for drinking a beer. It's that I'm already kinda butch to begin with. (What the...?!)

I mention all of this because... well... I am drinking a beer. Right now, as I type this, I am drinking the same beer I have been for the last two hours. And I like it. And in another hour, I'll be just about done with it and I'll tell you this: I am not butch for drinking it. I am so totally one of the cool kids.

Now please excuse me while I finish the dishes, fold the laundry, feed the dogs, change a diaper, vacuume the hall and scrub a toilet before I completely pass out. Ehhh, screw it. I'm passing out anyway.